tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6137038525559242213.post3369434658503987922..comments2024-03-17T03:19:28.232-04:00Comments on the Anonymati: First Pages: PB / Mother MapleEditorial Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06294247222893767117noreply@blogger.comBlogger12125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6137038525559242213.post-3860648746083343212009-01-23T17:52:00.000-05:002009-01-23T17:52:00.000-05:00Different anonymous here:"Cotton-ball tail" makes ...Different anonymous here:<BR/><BR/>"Cotton-ball tail" makes my inner child gag. Maybe this was just me as a kid, but there was nothing I hated more in books than patronizing, cutesy language.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6137038525559242213.post-54958495439511943952009-01-23T17:14:00.000-05:002009-01-23T17:14:00.000-05:00"Let me tell you a story," Henry told him as he pa..."Let me tell you a story," Henry told him as he parked his cotton-ball tail next to Marty.<BR/><BR/>Just my two cents - You've introduced the characters, then they sit down and one of them is about to tell another story.<BR/><BR/>Is this the story of Henry or another story Marty is telling? This runs a danger of having your two main characters sitting around talking all the time. If the real story is the story Marty is about to tell, then make that your actual story.Ebony McKenna.https://www.blogger.com/profile/02724727996270658767noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6137038525559242213.post-45180564765881269472009-01-22T11:52:00.000-05:002009-01-22T11:52:00.000-05:00Ps. EA? I'm still not seeing any 'evil' here....Mo...Ps. EA? I'm still not seeing any 'evil' here....<BR/><BR/>More 'kind and helpful'.....<BR/><BR/>Maybe you should add a few cackles, and throw endangered toads into the air as you critique?Deirdre Mundyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14357363160387734552noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6137038525559242213.post-11460685814862730812009-01-22T11:51:00.000-05:002009-01-22T11:51:00.000-05:00>Is it true "green" books are also &g...>Is it true "green" books are also >out?<BR/><BR/><BR/>Anon- as cliched as it sounds, don't worry so much about 'In' and 'out'-- write what you enjoy, and write the books you would have loved as a child.<BR/><BR/>By the time you write a book, revise it umpteen times, find an agent, find an editor, and get it published, 'in and out' will be completely different again.<BR/><BR/>And people don't even KNOW what will be 'In' 5 years from now....<BR/><BR/>Except 'Good' is always in.....Deirdre Mundyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14357363160387734552noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6137038525559242213.post-53661314817208512832009-01-22T10:17:00.000-05:002009-01-22T10:17:00.000-05:00I never knew alliteration was a nuisance. :-)PBs a...I never knew alliteration was a nuisance. <BR/>:-)<BR/><BR/>PBs are sooo hard (to me!!) Kudos to writers who do this well. I could never figure out how much detail to put. I happily switched to middle grades.<BR/><BR/>Good luck, author!Chris Eldinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11794946908789120139noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6137038525559242213.post-76343955044446779942009-01-21T18:34:00.000-05:002009-01-21T18:34:00.000-05:00Hmm, hares and bunnies are not the same animal. J...Hmm, hares and bunnies are not the same animal. Just so you know :). Hares used to be sacred, and rabbits are food.nonehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00415222406280230021noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6137038525559242213.post-31328214150717729732009-01-21T18:33:00.000-05:002009-01-21T18:33:00.000-05:00In your third paragraph you say..."She was the tal...In your third paragraph you say..."She was the tallest tree....and then...There were no other trees..." Omit one of these as they are redundant. Consolidate and eliminate. And move each line forward.<BR/><BR/>Picture books are the hardest books to write...BUT THE MOST FUN!!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6137038525559242213.post-51204928668651427262009-01-21T17:50:00.000-05:002009-01-21T17:50:00.000-05:00Many, many thanks for taking the time to give me a...Many, many thanks for taking the time to give me a little direction!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6137038525559242213.post-67314939752233585092009-01-21T17:28:00.000-05:002009-01-21T17:28:00.000-05:00Yes, better.Yes, better.Editorial Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06294247222893767117noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6137038525559242213.post-87196226946024872282009-01-21T16:59:00.000-05:002009-01-21T16:59:00.000-05:00Is this going in a better direction (just as an ex...Is this going in a better direction (just as an example…not to go line by line):<BR/><BR/>Tipper was hopping through the meadow just as the last of the leaves were falling. <BR/><BR/>"Where are you going? Shouldn't you be getting ready for winter?" one of the trees asked him.<BR/><BR/>I only changed the name because I know I will somehow manage to us alliteration later by accident.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6137038525559242213.post-64277363642930391472009-01-21T15:47:00.000-05:002009-01-21T15:47:00.000-05:00No, I meant just don't *name* the talking tree.No, I meant just don't *name* the talking tree.Editorial Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06294247222893767117noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6137038525559242213.post-46020706985248217112009-01-21T15:35:00.000-05:002009-01-21T15:35:00.000-05:00Thanks so much! I will definitely take your advice...Thanks so much! I will definitely take your advice. I actually read about the alliteration "no-no" but thought in small amounts it would be acceptable. The only alliteration that continues through the story was Mother Maple. But I will definitely take out all alliteration and remove most of the adjectives. <BR/><BR/>No talking inanimate objects huh? Hmm...that will make it difficult. That will mean a total rewrite. I'll try to think of something. Is it true "green" books are also out?<BR/><BR/>Thanks again!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com