They’re at it again! The sound of Dad’s shouting and Mom’s crying in the kitchen made it hard to focus on the TV show my younger brother Jason and I were watching. Why does Mom put up with it? I wish Dad would just disappear. I can’t take much more of this.The impulse to drop us into a scene where something's happening is a good one... but we need somewhere to land, and this isn't giving us something to focus on: the fight in the kitchen? the TV in the living room? which one of the narrator's related but not terribly cohesive thoughts?
CRASH!You also want to be careful about throwing us into a high-emotion situation before we've gotten to know the characters enough to sympathize with any of them. What are we supposed to feel when we look at the crying kid? We don't even know clearly what the MC feels.
Something smashed against the kitchen wall. I wondered what Dad had thrown this time, and hoped Mom hadn’t been hit by it before it shattered into pieces. I glanced at Jason huddled up in a corner of the sofa with his hands over his ears and tears dripping down his cheeks.
“I’m leavin’!” I yelled, and clicked off the blaring TV. “And I’m taking Jason with me. Come on, Jason—let’s go.” I don’t know if Mom heard me over the shouting, but I didn’t even want to get anywhere near the kitchen right now.No sooner are we introduced to to the idea of domestic strife in this kid's life than we're taken out of it. You're not giving your reader the chance to understand your setting or your characters.
The sounds of my dad’s yelling and my mom’s crying followed us out as the door banged behind us. I grabbed my helmet, jumped on my bike, and started pedaling down the street as hard as I could. My heart pounded and my breath came in gasps. I had to get away.
Jason hopped onto his bike and raced behind me. “Louie, wait for me!”
I looked over my shoulder and saw Jason was almost a block behind me. I stopped and waited for him to catch up. I guess I should have known he couldn’t keep up with me—he’s only seven and four years younger than me.
“Are you okay?” I asked when Jason pulled up beside me.
That can be hard to do, of course, without running the risk of an info dump, but that's your job as writer. Ask yourself what word choices will show us the mood of this scene; what things we need to know about these characters to intuit how they feel... and then ask yourself if you can achieve that in 1st person. If not, you may need to switch to 3rd.