I am death. Some people call me the Grim Reaper. If you're one of those people, I'm probably not what you're expecting. I don't have a scary, black hood that covers my face. I don't have a scythe and I am not silent or 'grim'. My bones are far from frail and skeletal beneath my black cloak -- another item I don't have.Your voice is very conversational, which is an interesting start to something narrated by death. But for that reason, I don't think you need that first sentence. Punch up the casual feel of this voice, rather than going for the drama. I also think you don't need that last sentence, which is a tad confusing.
My name is Blake Deakin, or at least that's what I call myself around normal people. When I'm with other Reapers – there are about fifty of us – we use another name: Bleak. As in, the outlook is bleak. I'm a teenager. I bet you weren't expecting that, eh? Most teenagers have jobs at the local supermarket, me – well, my job isn't so much a job as a lifestyle. An unpleasant one.Still interested. "I bet you weren't expecting that, eh?" sounded off to me, though. Who says "eh?" south of Canada?
I do everything a typical teenager does. I live with my parents, fight with my siblings and go to high school, a hell far worse than any other. At the moment, I'm about to do the one thing I do that isn't so typical: write names in a book.Instantly bored at the start of this part. You're telling where you should be showing. Let us discover these normal parts of his life naturally--and milk those moments of realization for as much irony and humor as you can. They're in there.
I pop open the bottom drawer of my mahogany desk and flip through the things on top impatiently. My English book, a few sheets of loose paper, a dictionary and then, the Book of the Living. I pull out the brown tome and set it on my table, eyeing it with reverence. Picking it up, I trace the spidery words that run down the side. I've read and reread those words so many times that I don't need to read them to know what they say: I decide who lives.Something about 'mahogany' and 'brown tome' are sounding forced and out of place to me. Keep the language teenaged to best play up what's so interesting about this scenario.
Overall, not at all bad. Maybe publishable. I'd like to see you connecting your reader to your quirky, unusual MC earlier and stronger, though.